Rational Survivability

I don’t know what’s happening behind the scenes at Facebook.  Perhaps it’s the manifest evils of Beacon victimizing humanity coming back to haunt them, but there’s been a horrific breach over at Facebook.

I just don’t feel safe there any longer.

I joined FB as a number of groups to which I belong and enjoy monitoring decided to leverage the mass pandemonium that is social netgawking and make their information available only on this populist portal.

So I log on today, fully expecting to check my hatching eggs, play a round of scrabulous and explain to yet another aging filipino male "philanthropist" that I’m really not a 16 year old Catholic school girl trolling for a good time when I discovered the harrowing news:

I’d been SuperPoked!

That’s right. 

I was eFingered right after being attacked with a drive-by Vampire tea bagging knee-bar and an inverted trout slap…and some "friend" decided to curse me with a Thunder Pinch and send me a Pink Sock as a gift.

Seriously, what the hell!  When did we start talking like this?  I just mastered Snoop Dogg’s schizzle, yo!  I can’t keep up.

Most of the people that I am FB "friends" with are 30+ years old.  What possible reason would any self-respecting "old person" have for superpoking, trout-slapping or thunder-pinching me?  I’ve tried talking my wife into this stuff and it doesn’t work unless I liquor her up.  How do you think this is going to work on me?

Me!?

If you can’t figure out how to revert to good old-fashioned email or IM, and speak ‘murican, I don’t want to talk to you.

No more hatching Jack-a-lopes.  No more Roman Candles.  No more Romanian Turtle Wedgies.

Screw this Web2.0 crap.

I’m going to play bowling on my Wii now.

/Hoff