Rational Survivability

{Ed: I have been informed, nay swatted, by one Mr. Newby, that I have incorrectly characterized JG’s actions as slander.  According to Rob (and the Oxford Dictionary — who by the way added Rachel Ray’s EVOO as an official f’ing "word" to their tome of wordage!) slander pertains to making a false spoken statement whilst libel is a false published statement.  Fine, supercalifragilisticslanderlibelocius it is then!}

Not since InfoSec Sellout was discovered to be none other than Dave Maynor’s pet goat have I been so shocked at the venom spewing forth from the bowels of the Blogosphere.

Jeremiah Grossman, famed XSS guru and tireless crusader for all things input-validated, has come unglued and lobbed slanderous libelous accusations against my person.

In fact, he suggests that I lobbed myself slanderously libelously against his person! 

I deny such allegations and offer forth righteous testimony that refutes these malicious tirades.   

Judge for yourself the callous and acerbic commentary as evidenced by Senor Frog’s vitriol in summary of his Blackhat/DEFCON experience here:

Side-channel conversations:
There was a good bit of chitchat about BJJ and MMA. A lot of people in
infosec train in various forms of martial arts. Makes sense I guess.
However, I was not prepared for Chris Hoff’s unprovoked attack. In the front of PURE Chris comes out of no where like the Blaire Witch, hugs me and says, “all I want to do is get in your butterfly guard big boy.“

…OBJECTION, your honor, calls for speculation.  Nobody’s actually ever *seen* Jeremiah’s butterfly guard.  I have it on good advice that he’s prone (pun intended) to being mounted and submits to the nearest blog or publisher.

Firstly, the so-called "attack" was hardly "unprovoked."  I have witnesses that will clearly
testify that Grossman, who obviously had a silver ticket entrance to
the Microsoft party, was flaunting his clearance at the entry of the
Pussycat Dolls Theater.  I, on the other hand, was without Mr. Wonka’s shimmering docket of admission. 

I think Mike Rothman
was standing there just as confused as I was. 🙂 Then later there was
talk about some Hacker MMA Smackdown event rumor I hadn’t heard about.
RSnake had and immediately said in his best Tyler Durden voice, “I’d fight Erik Birkholz.” I kid you not. Ask the Mozilla guys, there were there! Gotta be on guard at all times around these infosec guys, sheesh.

Secondly, Mr. Grossman conveniently left out the part wherein one Mr. Mogull confidently dared me to wet-willy the former.  The best I could do was a rushed and flacid (yes, I said flacid) suplex attempt.  PURE is where Chuck "the ICEMAN" Lidell holds his after-parties.  I was inspired by the moment.

Thirdly, Rothman is always confused.  Wait until you check out a picture of Rothman in his party attire…he caps of the ensemble with a pair of black socks and, jesus, Crocs…

Fourthly, I’d give odds on Birkholz.  Two years ago we had the same conversation at the bar @ RSA.  He can tie knots in cherry stems with his tongue.  RSnake, admit it, you’re just outgunned!

It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eEye.  Speaking of which…

What has the world come to?

/Hoff